....and they were gone

February 11, 2009.

An emotional day. Great sadness, loss, wonder, acceptance, a presence of peace and internal warmth and comfort.

I write this with a heavy heart; heavy with grief for a young mother who has lost her child and had to bury him today, a life that will go unlived, plans unmet, and dreams never realized.

I write this with a heavy heart; heavy with warmth, gratitude and love for a woman who lived a full, fun, compassionate, strong, love and laughter filled 90 year life beyond dreams and expectations.

I write this.

Due to some circumstances, Kyle was not in school this morning, but was with me. He had made arrangements to go into school later so he could take the test for his driver's license.

He knew that today was the balloon release for Baby Aiden. He wanted to go with me to get a balloon and release it before his test. I was concerned about being short on time to get him to his test on time.

We stopped at Cub Foods and I noticed they sold balloons at their floral counter. I asked if we could get a blue balloon. We were told the helium tank was out of air and not working. She had turned the tank off. She then turned it back on to show us how it would not pump air. Well, for whatever reason, it now worked and did. In a misunderstanding, she filled two blue balloons. We only needed one, but we took both. A man behind us also wanted to get a balloon, a Valentines' Day balloon. She went to blow it up for him and the helium tank would not work. It was out of hellium..............just like it had been two blue balloons before.

We had only needed one balloon. I had given much thought as to how many balloons I wanted to release for Aiden. I wanted to do one, but then I had a hurt in my heart of "him" being alone. I had thought about 3; one to represent him and then each of his parents, but obviously three was not an option because of the tank running out of helium. We had ended up with two. What sense did two make? "Who" was going with him?

Kyle and I went to a park in Stillwater. A place with special meaning to us. A lovely place. Quiet areas with benches for reading books and watching birds. A wooden bridge arched over a stream that winds among the bear grass that blows in the breezes of summer. Tall majestic oak trees for shade and climbing. A place with a grand playground where we have seen children at play; laughing, swinging, running, jumping. A place enjoyed by all ages. For all seasons of life and living.

We wanted Aiden's presence to be felt there.

I held the balloons on my lap on the way to the park. I commented on their white strings; perfect for the angels. It was comforting to hold the balloons, to have them lifting gently and playfully off my lap. I had such a sense to only let one of them go. I really wanted to keep the other with me. It was a strange sensation. I really didn't want to let it go and so wanted to just put it in the back of the van and bring it home. I only needed to let one go.......I should keep the other. I had come to terms with releasing one. One for Aiden. It really made me sad that I was going to release that second balloon. How silly, I thought, but the feeling was there.

When we got to the park, I hesitated with the second balloon and Kyle said we needed to let them both go. He would hold them while I took the pictures. I then took one of the balloons from him. I wanted to take a picture of it tied to a child's swing. Something Aiden should have had the opportunity to experience. And would not. While taking those photos the other balloon ended up tied to a bench. A bench where a Grandma would rest.

I took the photos of the balloon and the swing and then Kyle gathered them both up and said we needed to release them. At the same time. They needed to go together. I touched both of them gently, I could see the emotion in Kyle's eyes. He also hesitated at the second balloon. He lifted his hand, opened it, and let them go.

We watched. The tears could not be held back and trickled down our faces. The presence of the Lord was heavy upon us. In the gloomy, windy and cold day we were warmed, comforted and at total peace. All was still. We watched the balloons. It was beautiful. They went higher and higher. They started off together, and then drifted apart briefly. Then, they came back together with such purpose.....there high in the sky....they bumped into each other. They then continued their journey up and away, together..........we squinted and watched until they disappeared into the white clouded sky..................













...................and they were gone.


Kyle and I walked back to the van. I noticed the light on my phone was blinking. I had received a phone call and a message while we were releasing the balloons.

It was a message from Jay.

Grandma Teddy had just passed away.

Two lives......
.......one yet to take a first breath
.......one filled with 90 years of them


.................and they were gone.

Theodora "Teddy" Earnest
Grandma Teddy

Always with a smile and a belly laugh
You are loved by many and will be missed
We know you were greeted by Grandpa Jay, Sally, Johnny and Gary today and are surrounded by long awaited laughter and love