Random Rambles

I am feeling the need to post. But I can't get my mind around what.

I am feeling stressed, wiped out and a bit of hyper-nervous energy all at the same time.

My mind is jumping from one thing to the next back to another thing to a completely different thing.

All over the place.

That is where I feel my mind, heart, emotions, and even my body have been today.

I am a pacer. When I am nervous I pace.

I only found this out about myself about a year ago.

I had a client that was extremely stressful. We had to make significant changes in their wedding the last week of their wedding. I was finding that after my lengthy conversations with them on the telephone I was physically tired. Like I had been working out.

My husband pointed out to me that of course I was feeling that way.....because I had been. He told me I had been up the stairs, down the stairs, outside, inside, down in the basement, out in the garage....even standing out in the backyard and walking down the sidewalk. I really had paid no attention to the fact that I did this. Since then I have paid more attention, and yes, indeed, when I am stressed I do make some ground. I don't pace back and forth in a straight line. I am a distance pacer!

When I am stressed I am also a writer. So when I am not pacing, and my legs moving me back and forth.....I guess my fingers are pacing....moving back and forth :)

I find writing to be a tremendous relief.....although most of my most stressed writing consists of little notes....lines.....nothing that really makes any sense. That is why, although I have been feeling very stressed lately, I have not been on my blog as much because I haven't been able to formulate in my mind what I really wanted to say.

Actually, today is no different.....I just happen to be typing it down anyway!

I don't really know what it is. It is hard to pinpoint because it is not one particular thing.....but a combination of many things.

It is also odd because I am not particularly "stressed", just agitated, annoyed, concerned, clueless. Many different emotions, again not about one particular thing.

Have any of you ever had these feelings. Just sort of tapped out?

I have court on Thursday for a very unpleasant situation and I know that is where a lot of my anxiousness and clueless feelings are coming from. I am faced with going into court to defend something I firmly believe in by myself.....on my own....against someone who I feel has brought forth this matter for very selfish and compromising reasons with what I have been told "the most expensive attorney he could find".

That right there is one source of my annoyance, and something that drastically sets the two of us apart. Does expense directly correlate with good, honorable, and the best?

I don't think so.

Yet, I have seen so often that in our legal system much good, honor and just has been sacrificed for expense. One of the greatest enemies of justice......loopholes. To achieve this one must find those who specialize in them. Those, who have invested great time and research in perfecting them.....and with those we are back to expense. Those kinds of efforts, practices and "talents" do not come cheap.

I am simply keeping focused on:

He is in control.

I am also keeping in mind Galatians 6:

Don't be misled. Remember that you can't ignore God and get away with it. You will always reap what you sow! Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful desires will harvest the consequences of decay and death. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. So don't get tired of doing what is good. Don't get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time.

What a conflicted world we live in. All the different things we come up against that test our character and faith.

There is also a "possible" scam going on in the internet world. It involves a young "mother to be". She has been posting for many months about her pending delivery. The "baby" was not healthy and it was determined unlikely to survive the pregnancy and most certain to die during birth or shortly after.

I have read her blog for months. I have prayed for her and cried for her. She has touched so many.

She "had" the baby on Sunday and posted some photos of the baby on Monday. Many believe the photos were of a doll. Many believe she made the entire thing up and it was all a scam. Many are heart broken and disillusioned.

I do not know what I believe at this time but most certainly am broken and disillusioned.

How awful if there really is a young mother with a child near death that is need of support and prayer and the focus is instead on a possible "scam". How awful if there is a young woman that would make something like this up for monetary gain, attention, or some other reason. How awful if it is not a woman indeed, but some other individual or group of individuals preying on the kindness and loving hearts of others.

I believe in any instance prayers are needed.

Many are upset that they have been praying in this regard. Many have made comments about the need to stop helping others, stop praying for others, some have went so far as to say stop caring about others so that we protect ourselves.

I firmly believe that is something drastically wrong with society today. How many times I have heard.....I'm worried about me, myself and I. So many....only concerned about their own little world. I don't believe that they are all uncaring about others or what is going on around them.....but so many are afraid to get involved because of what it may mean for them.

I ask for those that have prayed or invested themselves in something that wasn't as it was made out to be: WAS YOUR HEART IN THE RIGHT PLACE WHEN YOU PRAYED OR ASSISTED?

If you are a Christian, does it really matter what the motive was behind what you were presented? We pray and assist because we think there is a need. OUR heart is in the right place. Isn't that what is important? If you have prayed, believed, and given because of what was in your heart........isn't that what He asks of you?

I told you....there are a lot of different things. All weighing heavy on my mind and heart.

I have my answer....which is Trust in Him.

I am feeling tapped out....but I know He will fill me up. Even as I pace around I do it with my head high. Psalms 3: But you, O LORD, are a shield around me, my glory, and the one who lifts my head high!

Because this is a random post and to keep it very true to that I am going to include something TOTALLY random.

I mentioned in the beginning I wanted to post, but didn't know about what. I was originally just going to post about our recent trip to Montana/Wyoming/South Dakota. I began by going to download some photos. I only downloaded two before my mind switched gears and decided to post about what was really on my mind...much randomness. All the while I have been typing I have been moving along these two photos I had downloaded. I went to delete just now.....but decided not to.

So here you go.......one was of our Theodore Roosevelt taken in Keystone, South Dakota amongst George, Abe, Tom and Theodore's namesake.......the OTHER Theodore Roosevelt. The other is Gregory on a fake buffalo and if you have ever been to that part of the country.....you know where!

How much more random can you get than that?



Have a wonderful day everyone and thanks for letting me vent!! :)